On Loving Yourself First

This cycle of being okay, then being the complete opposite is wearing on me; I know that I won't be able to handle it for much longer and something will have to change. How can you tell someone how much you mean to them and plead that you don't want to lose them, then put it all on the line for convenience and instant gratification? They swear by you, then watch you walk away. It breaks my heart to have the realization that it's time to let go slowly dawn on me; even more realizing that you probably won't even try to stop it. I'm not ready. But when you've tried compromise and conversation and everything else and their selfishness only allows enough room for their happiness, then that's your cue that you must be the one to nurture your own.

Quote of the Day

"When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did." -Looking For Alaska 

one twenty-two am

Four hundred twenty-three moons ago she fell in love with the crinkle in the corner of an eye and a subtle smirk. It became real when she looked into his eyes and they invited her in without a single exchange of words. They hungered for the understanding in her gaze. Within, he was fragile. Without, he was masked. Hairline fractures threatened a shattered soul and when those eyes lured her closer, she knew that her purpose must have been to help bring truth to that crinkle and substance to that smirk. Four hundred twenty-three moons ago, under the soft glow of ten million galaxies and three hundred billion stars, two halves became a whole.

Round Two

I really hate that I keep abandoning this blog, but every so often I get so caught up with life that I put things that I enjoy like blogging, reading and writing on the back burner. I'm preparing to enter my second semester of college and over this break, I've decided that these things are too important to me to continue playing to the left. Slowly but surely, I've begun reading and writing more and it's felt great. Now, this semester will be somewhat of a mental final exam because I have a lot on the line, so although I probably won't spend as much time with my reading, writing and blogging as I'd like, I'm going to make an honest effort to devote a portion of it to these things.

I've started by leaving the name that this blog has carried for the past couple years, Whispers in the Wind, behind for something that is more representative of me considering the growth I've experienced. I want a fresh start, but I want to bring some of my previous posts with me. Some, I'll let go of. Of Stars and Souls danced right into my lap. Knowing me means knowing how much the universe and everything that has to do with it fascinates me, how perfectly content I would be sitting under the stars all night long. Honestly, over time I've come to think of it as part of me. And this blog is the place where I will share a part of me that isn't as easily accessible to the world as the rest of me is, that I keep hidden away for two am and those frequent, sometimes unconscious retreats into the back of my mind. Letting people into my head, get close to my soul, scares me, it always has. But I've realized that I do have some thoughts, feelings and opinions worth sharing, so this is my attempt to bridge the gap...a little bit, at least.

Here we go, round two. I'm back. Hopefully, for good.